Monday, July 23, 2007

Who Am I

I was just on the way to my office in the morning. The usual route; the usual time; the usual vehicle; the usual overtakes; the usual songs and the usual thoughts; Nothing different except it being just another Monday. Just as I was looking at the road a thought came to my mind, “Who am I? Is this what I was gonna do after I completed my studies?” The job is of my field, complements to my management degree but somewhere down the line, a thin thought still remains in my mind everyday-“This is not what I wanted to do”. My dad tells me, ”You are not meant to do such a job, you should go to US, and pursue your goals”. Not that the job is bad, its just that I maybe the right person at the wrong place.

After I completed my first masters, job was never a priority, going to US was. Prepared for GRE, then got admission to MBA, left that half way. Doing MBA was always my dream, not directly but after work experience but did MBA directly. MBA was my interest, core interest in Advertising; I always wanted to work in an advertising agency and hence always used to concentrate and apply my brains where advertising lectures, presentations etc were concerned per se. But then I could not find a job in an ad agency or rather could not find an ad agency which could give me a job.

My friends always told me, you have a pessimistic nature, may be they did not understand me that well. May be the practical analysis of things in my manner seemed pessimistic to them. I was never over ambitious, I had ambitions which I knew I can fulfill and my shortcomings were always taken as my laziness. And no I am not complaining about anyone.

As I was driving, I could see the road, I could see my goals, the road to achieve my goals, this not being the one I wanted to drive on. And the one I want to drive on, seems entangled, seems tough find out, but I will someday. I was thinking is something wrong with me or am I taking things too seriously and making them complicated without any reason. Maybe I need to relax a bit, calm down a bit maybe I need to give time- to Myself.

What is the reason for me writing all this? Wasting my time and wasting the blog space-“Nothing”. But at least probably for the first time I am putting to words what I am currently thinking. And no I am not down and out, I don’t drive fast, I fly low, I will try harder, one day will get what I want.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Fast Trip to a Fast city!

I am one of those kinds who believe in one day travel that is going back in the morning and coming back in the evening, if course the distance permits me to do so. Same was the case this time, the city for my fast travel was none other than the financial capital of India-Mumbai, I had to visit this time because there were few things lined up to be completed in Mumbai and I am very happy that I managed to complete them this time and a tad sad too that I could not stay long.

July 18th 2007 time: 9.05pm I boarded Lokshakti Express, confirming that finally this time I m going to Mumbai as being told to J. Coincidently I was supposed to go to Mumbai on 14th which dint happen even though I had confirmed tickets. This time I had an RAC in return and still I was going to Mumbai.

Going to Mumbai was planned quite sometime back. And no; office meeting was not a priority. Two things were, attending a family function and Meeting J of which the latter one was still seeming impossible for me coz of time constraints.

July 19th 2007 time:5.00AM Finally stepped on Borivali station took an auto and went to my cousin’s place. As usual, the habit of me giving surprises, they also dint we know we were gonna be there attending the function. Reaching their home at 5.20, I gave a knock. My kaki asked, “Kon?”, I replied, ”Doodhwala”. She opened the door and was shocked happily seeing me and said, “finally tu aayo.”
Mission 1 accomplished.

The next mission was to meet J. Till the last moment we were not able to decide where to meet coz I don’t know places in Mumbai and she does not know the places in Borivali. So finally I found a way out and told her I m gonna come to Andheri and meet her there itself. Around 3 pm reached Andheri and I met a person who has been my close friend from 6 years and not met even once. Now that she was going to US and she is very sure that I m gonna get married next time she is back and I might not be able to meet her at that time coz of my new family (I dunno the reasons for such a thinking!), she wanted to meet me once. So met her at Andheri and went for a drive on a bike 3.00 pm in the afternoon (99% of the times I have gone to a drive in the evening!!). Unbelievable but true. She had told me, “ I am that kind of person who would not speak much when I meet a person for the first time” what happened was quite the opposite, she kept on talking and talking and I was the person who dint speak (or rather not given a chance to speak LOL). A surprise for me and probably for her too!

Mission 2 accomplished.

The time for me going back home was getting nearer, I also met her mom, and J kept on saying "y cant you manage more time to stay"; she must have said I am and ass and a liar a million times, I had to go back and so told her I need to leave, the best part was the gift that she gave me! My sun-sign made by her and me, as usual, the careless one forgot her gift in the bag itself! But I know she wont mind coz she knows me. :-).

People say travelling in Mumbai is a pain, travelling on a bike is even more pain, but I had a great time travelling on Mumbai streets on a bike almost 60-70 odd kms in span of two hours, the fast trip to the fast city was very good, not to mention, the missions also being accomplished!

Friday, June 22, 2007

RainS-n Me



Till now whenever I used to see the sight, when the clouds became dark, the air became moist and smelt wet, I knew it was my time to go out on my bike to have ride, a ride in the rain, every year I have been doing the same. But this time, I was not quite excited about the rains at all. Now, rains meant dirty clothes, dirty shoes in short dirty office attire. And hence I somehow wished that whenever I travelled, rains should NOT accompany me. But as usual, the opposite of what I think happens and same thing happened this time too.

Just a couple of days before the very accurate weatherman predicted that rains would be coming to see Ahmedabad in a few days which meant that there was still time. But just as I left my office at around 5.45 p.m, which was early compared to my usual time out, for my home which is just about 38kms from my office, the hot atmosphere was turning even more humid, the clouds were coming dark n grey which seemed that they would gallop all the light, and as I travelled 10kms, downpour started and I felt, damn there goes my office dress. But this change in me of not liking driving in rain couldn’t remain permanent.

This being the schedule everyday, driving down the highway back home alone with music on, became boring. Something happened, I stopped at a place, switched off the walkman, kept in the bag, removed the helmet and started to travel, getting wet in the rain, something which I have been doing all this years, and there; it did it. This was always my style and liking and this, even with the changes in me during recent times was something which was refusing to go. And as they always say “whatever happens, happens for good”-the ride back home in the rains was the best and I enjoyed it to the fullest .Period.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Time and Me

Time-the word with different meanings; People go through bad phases which they call as their bad times; tasting success is what they call their good times. Different perspectives, different thought processes; Time is something which I have never cared of. But now I realize how important it is for me to understand the value of time.

There was a time when I thought doing job is a better option, u don’t have to care about exams just go to work and come back and enjoy because of which I was of the opinion of not studying further and doing a job and that’s why I had taken up a job on campus. My parents had never agreed on this decision of mine, they still wanted me to study further, thus confirming their thoughts that educational life is the best part of a person’s life which I never had agreed before.

Now as I stand at this point of time, change process continues, with my mind shaping new thoughts, I realize, I would be better off still studying, be it here or in some other continent and no it has nothing to do with my stint at job. It is something which I have realized my parents were telling me on their experience. They allowed me to do what I wanted to, now I will probably do what they wanted me to do before, which now I, myself want to do.

People say I have a wavery mind, I take things too personal which are not meant to be taken in that manner. I m like that, and I am not wavery, I like to gain experiences and correct them in time. If I don’t take some important decisions at this point of time, I will never be able to take it. Confusion though surrounds my mind as a person who is locked from outside with the room on fire everywhere. One more thing, there are few people who always support my decision, they know I am talking about them, and I hope they keep on doing so in future as well, providing their opinions which are valued by me.

Friday, April 13, 2007

WhaT a StarT

I have been on job for over a month now, the experience has been bad. I could not work and I could not perform. My first job in a very good company, I have goofed it all up. What I am writing today here is what I have done in the company in the past one month.

I was very excited about my first job, this was my first interview in my MBA course and I cracked it and got a job. However I was told by my seniors a job that I need to perform since no company would like non-performers and that is what I am after a month- A non-performer.

My boss has been very supportive. He is a straightforward guy and talks what he feels on face. He has not liked the way of my working from the start. He has told me this many times but I have not been able to get it. He says I am not able to get in the “groove” what the job demands and I am probably the wrong person at the right place. I was given a project to work on, which I could have done but I took it lightly and the project failed.

I had a talk with a senior colleague of mine who shares a good rapport with me. I did this since I was not able to cope up with the professionalism the people in my group could. He told me that I am highly unorganized in my working and I am not able to multi task work. There is no denying that I don’t do work, but then when I am working on something and I am given some other work, I stop on what I am currently working on and start working on that which should not be done. Also I need to change my approach which is highly pessimistic. When taking some work, rather than finding ways of doing it, I find ways of how the work would not be done and hence I could not do this project.

My boss thinks I am absolutely lazy, who does not want to do work i.e. hard work. Well in a sense, he is right. I did not give my 100% to what I did for this project. The bottom line ultimately is I could not perform which was due to the fact that I took my job lightly. My boss says he is very disappointed with my working, something he has been telling me since quite some time, he even told me to quit. I then asked him what the problem was, he told me that I am doing this because if I don’t shout at you now, you won’t change your working style and will be like this throughout your career. He even told me to the extent that he would the other colleague of mine in getting him out of something when he is stuck while he wont help me coz I wont putting in efforts myself.

Its one month now, I have not able to get a single penny of business for my company. The other colleague, who joined with me, has worked hard and his feature is out today while my job is at stake. My boss says he has lost all trust in me, he thinks I won’t be able to do any feature and in fact he also told me, I hope that you change and prove me wrong and do your next feature.

Analyzing what has happened in the past one month, I have become aware of how my approach has been, pessimistic, something which I will “change”. Yes it will take time; this break for exams will help me out.

Until that till his point of time one word can describe what I m feeling- “Disgusted”. No one till now would have seen me like this, but then “Life me bahot kuch first time hota hai”

Friday, April 6, 2007

ChangE-My First PosT

Its almost 7 A.M. and surprsingly I am awake, not that I woke up for studies or working on some submission, I was supposed to go to work by 6.45 and I woke up at 7. But however lets not get into it.

I have been a writer of reviews at a website. I am not gonna write the name of the website coz i aint being paid for doing its publicity. On a serious note, writing was never my hobby nor my passion although it is for you bloggers here. But however reading blogs over the time always led me to think I should also start writing but there were always excuses.

Now then today it just got into my mind to write something although it might not be that interesting to anyone coz its not about politics, its not about current affairs, its not about movie reviews...well..its about nothing but since I just have registered and I want to write something, I had to begin from somewhere.

Currently, since the past one month my life has changed quite a bit. Some of my friends do know it. I am on job right now, and I have my internals going on too. Now people who know would be shocked to hear I am giving exams without studying, since I was always thought of those kinds who enjoy before exams and work hard during exams. There are certain other things whch have changed and which I will include in my next posts but for the time being as they say "Change is Essential" so I m experiencing the "Change".

Talking about "Change", the quite evident change is I m writing a blog at a time when half of the world is asleep and the other half might just have got up. This, indeed is a big change for me.I dont know how helpful this post will be to you, but then it is helpful to me because, I m experiencing changes, which probably are pretty much important to me now.